Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.

What is #realworldsex and how do we capture it? Musings from Madam Curator

Receiving a new #realworldsex submission is exciting. Opening my laptop to find that another courageous person (or persons) has decided to share something so intimate with me and the community makes me want to do a happy dance and give them a hug at the same time.

Reviewing a #realworldsex submission is fun, hot and sometimes a bit nervewracking. I could sit here and tell you that I never get flustered or slightly shy when watching people have #realworldsex, but that wouldn’t be the truth. And it shouldn’t be. The #realworldsex videos on are there to make you feel things – physical and yes, emotional. As Cindy likes to point out, porn sanitizes sex and is here to bring back its beautiful humaness.

It is an equally privileged and tough position to be in, when you are in charge of evaluating whether someone’s most intimate moments are going to end up on your site. The nervewracking part is the moment where I realize that the video I’m currently reviewing will not make it onto the site.

Yep – not all videos that are submitted to end up on Most of them do, but some of them don’t. And, usually, when a video is rejected it has more to do with how the sex is being framed, rather than the people in the video not enjoying themselves.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve yet to receive and then reject a video where I didn’t believe that the people involved in the video were very proud of and happy with their #realworldsex. This is the tough part.

As a rule of thumb, the #realworldsex videos that get accepted most quickly onto are those that show consensual #realworldsex without performance.

What do I mean by without performance? That whatever is happening in the video is not put on for the camera but instead shows what the people in the video would actually do if there was no camera rolling.

As you’ve probably guessed, many of the most popular sex positions that you see in porn aren’t used over and over ‘cause the performers find them the most pleasurable. They’re used because they’re the sex positions that give the camera person easy access to a close-up shot of a pornstars nether regions and the viewer at home a clear view of the action (read:penetration shots).

And while I certainly don’t mind a few close-up shots here and there, that’s not what is all about and that’s not really what your sex life is all about either.

The videos that end up on frame/capture non-performative #realworldsex in a way that allows to be a place where people (current and future MakeLoveNotPornStars alike) can see sex showcased in a way that has rarely ever been seen on the web. The folks in the mainstream porn industry are experts at filming and distributing #pornworldsex – we are designed to be a place where people know they can find curated #realworldsex. It can (and does) include real-life pornstars, but the sex itself is totally different.

#Realworldsex is sex between #realworld lovers not between people who are only #pornworld co-workers.

#Realworldsex is whatever you want it to be.

It can be one person, two people or any number of people. It can be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or simply refuse to even be labeled. It encompasses all genders and sexual identities into infinity and beyond but doesn’t buy into fetishizing or commodifying them.  It is, at its core they way we express and experience emotions and sensations in the context of relationship with ourselves and/or another person/persons.

#Realworldsex videos that make their way onto are recordings of specific moments and experiences in time that allow the viewer as big a view of the complexity of a #reallife sexual experience/exchange/revelation/release as the MakeLoveNotPornStars in question are willing to share.

 Sharing a video of yourself having #realworldsex with another person, let alone me and the rest of the community is a gift born of great bravery and willingness to be vulnerable for the benefit of others. MLNPstars are people who feel so passionately that people can experience and enjoy great #realworldsex that they share the #realworldsex they love so that people can realize that potential in their own lives.

 And by realizing the potential for pleasurable and emotionally rewarding #realworldsex in their own lives, I don’t mean that the people who watch videos on will necessarily go off and do exactly what they see in them – but rather that the videos available to them on will help them see how #realworldsex can be a way of connecting with oneself or others in a way that is mutually pleasurable, consensual and free of porn cliches.

One of our favorite quotes comes from a male member on our site who said:

‘Watching porn makes me want to jerk off. Watching your videos makes me want to have sex with my girlfriend.’

My hope is that watching our MakeLoveNotPornStars having great #realworldsex will give our users more confidence to talk about sex, tell their partners what they really want in bed and be less or no longer ashamed of their desires or bodies.

Of course, we’re also down for getting you off and inspiring you to try things or just even think about sexy things you’ve never experienced before. Expanding the repertoire in a respectful way (even if it’s respectfully spanking your partner because they asked for it) is never a bad idea.


How to capture your #realworldsex:

I have written and spoken a bit already about how to capture/frame your #realworldsex in a way that is in-line with the philosophy but because I want everyone’s #realworldsex video to have as much of a chance as possible of being accepted and published on, here are some more tips:

  • Get creative with your intro video and backstory! Guys, this is your sizzle. It’s what will entice people to rent your video and it’s also what gives us a sense of who you are, what you like and why you decided to share your #realworldsex. It’s the difference between knowing that you and your wife have been together for 16 years and you still find her more beautiful than ever and thinking that I’m watching a one night stand. Or watching what was a super spicy one night stand and not realizing you two have never been together before ’cause the chemistry is off the charts. Context is hot and important. Please include it.
  • Start the camera running early. This is a tough one, I get it. But one of the things about stepping out of a #pornworld mindset (even an unconscious one) is to challenge the idea that the most important part of the video starts when you’re already naked. One of the things was designed to showcase were the moments you never see anywhere else, and those include whatever is happening before you get down to it. Whether it’s snippets of your flirtation at the bar or just you watching TV on the couch, we want to get a little glimpse of the context this #realworldsex is coming out of. For inspiration, click on the photos below.



Do you and your partner shower together after sex? Bring the camera into the bathroom and record the two of you talking over the sound of the water. This I want to see! I absolutely love how Subtle Cravings show cuddling at the end of this video – take note!

  • Leave the camera running afterward. When you’re done having #realworldsex, it’s not like you have an orgasm and the POOF! you’re back in your house fully clothed, sitting in front of your computer. Please don’t leave us hanging like that! Let us see how you or you and your partner(s) debrief and come down from what you’ve just experienced. Even if it’s just seeing you let out a satisfied sigh and reclining while your heartbeat returns to normal. Better yet, let us see the cuddling, the pillow talk, whatever is it that is your equivalent of the post-sex-cigarette.

  • Give us a wide angle. It’s totally fine if you don’t want to show your face in your video but please don’t mistake “not showing your face” with “only showing your frisky bits.” The idea that we only want to see sex as upcloseaspossible and only from one person’s point-of-view is one of the oldest porn cliches there is. It’s something that a boring porn producer might do because they’re scared no one will pay for their videos unless the “proof” of sex is in your face at all times. Let’s explode that, shall we?  Violet+Rye do a great job of contextualizing and showing emotion in #realworldsex without showing their faces. Check it out.

  • Edit minimally. Pop quiz: How does want to show #realworldsex? Answer: In a way that has never been seen before. As Cindy pointed out, #realworldsex is messysillyhotawesomeunpredictable but most of these things (aside from maybe some hotness) are hardly ever kept in the final cuts of porn scenes because they are thought to interrupt the flow of said hotness. We beg to differ. Big time. In fact, we believe that it’s those moments that make #realworldsex, well, #realworldsex should be left in. So, if you really want to do some editing then please have a light touch.

  • Let there be light. The thing about watching #realworldsex is that you actually want to be able to see what’s going on. Make sure you turn on a lamp or two, leave the overhead light on or have morning/daytime sex. You’re proud of your #realworldsex – light it that way!

  • Music? I love music. But depending on the music you use in your video, it can be distracting and not in a good way. Personally, I want to hear just #realworldsex or #realworldsex with maybe a little bit of copyright-free music in the background. For audio inspiration, check out any of AudioSmut’s videos – they’ve got that on lock.

So there you have it, my sweets – what is #realworldsex and how to capture it, according to Madam Curator. There is so much more to say here and I will continue to update this series but I wanted to share these thoughts now in order to help all our current and future MLNPstars have a better understanding of our vision and some more tips to help them along the way as you watch, film and share #realworldsex!

What is #realworldsex to you? How do you know it when you see it? Any other tips? Let me know in the comments!

6 Responses to “What is #realworldsex and how do we capture it? Musings from Madam Curator”

  1. Tom Campbell

    One quick comment on the music (and other background artifacts):
    Because we live in a litigious society, it’s probably best to NOT have any music playing while filming. Even music playing on the radio in the background can be a problem.
    The RIAA and other organizations can and do track down music used in videos, and demand that any published music be taken off websites. This leaves a site like MLNP in a tough position – remove the whole video, or blank out the soundtrack. And as we know, the sounds make and words we speak are as much or more an important part of lovemaking. To have to blank them out truly takes something away from your shared experience.

    Likewise for anything visual. Be particularly careful not to have a TV in the background. Any movie or even TV show that shows up in your video could give fodder to a breathless lawyer looking to protect the copyright holder of that video. And if they request that MLNP take down a video because of something visual, there is no choice but to remove the MLNP video completely.

    Lastly – just including anything that might draw an RIAA type inquisition is something we don’t want to do to the MLNP editors. It takes tons of time to deal with copyright lawyers, and they can often be very intimidating. Don’t put the MLNP team in this position. Don’t invite scrutiny with copyrighted content in your videos. Be careful about background music and images so that the team can focus on sharing your lovemaking experience to everyone.

    • madamcurator

      Thanks for your comment, Tom! I think explaining the implications of using copyrighted material in your #realworldsex video is something our community will find useful.

      Please see my recent reply on this post to Rug Rollers. There are a few ways to get music in your videos without breaking the law 😉

      xo Madam Curator

  2. Rug Rollers

    What is “non-copyrighted music”? We like having music playing in the background while making love — nothing obtrusive, just conducive. In fact, it wouldn’t really be OUR real-world sex in artificial silence. Would you reject our videos because of this?

    • madamcurator

      Thanks for your question, Rug Rollers! I’m thrilled to hear you’re thinking about submitting 🙂 Have you heard of creative commons music? There are a number of artists out there who share their music for free online and only ask that you credit them as the artist in whatever you use the music for. All of violet+rye’s #realworldsex videos have creative commons music in them and as you’ve probably seen they always site the artist at the end of their videos. There is also quite a bit of music in the public domain (out of copyright) that you can find online. Another idea would be asking a musician friend or an aritist you like on Myspace if they wouldn’t mind allowing you to use their music in your video. I think #realworldsex videos are a great way to promote indie artists! This is something our MLNPstars, havingfun did. I totally get the desire to have a little music playing in the background! I hope you’ll explore these options for your #realworldsex video!
      xo Madam Curator

  3. Tom Campbell

    Sorry to be such a party pooper by bringing this up, but I really don’t want our curator to ever get bogged down in dealing with a copyright issue. It is a huge time (and often money) suck for everyone involved.
    Where to get some of this Creative Commons Music? It looks like the best place to start is:
    Hopefully you’ll find something that turns you on even more than the stuff you find on the radio!!!

  4. Rug Rollers

    Thanks for responding Sarah.

    Yes, we have always provided musical credits at the end of our videos, and also viewed it as a way to give a bit of exposure to some of our favorite jazz musicians. I even sent a video to one of my biggest favorites once, and got a surprised but very warm reply. He did want better sound quality, but didn’t have any copyright objections.

    I get it that you guys are being a lot more careful about legalities than is usually the case with online erotica. It’s really a bummer, though, that some great footage we’ve already filmed is going to go to waste — I use an iTunes playlist, so there are just too many different artists on there.

    I guess I can think of a few that I could ask permission from, in addition to the one I’ve already contacted, and stick to those next time we film. So you’re saying the artist can give permission and it doesn’t have to be the label? That would be a steeper climb, I suspect.

    Rug Roller (him)


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