A vibrator is not a substitute for a partner. But how do you tell men that? / The Guardian

By arielmtnz, April 6, 2015

Written by Tracy Clark-Flory for The Guardian. Originally published on March 21st, 2015.

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“A recent novel by dude-lit king Chuck Palahniuk imagined a dystopian future in which “a billion husbands” are replaced by a wildly effective vibrator. Ian Kerner, a sex therapist in New York, told me that, based on what he sees in his practice, it’s “fairly common for men to be threatened” by vibrators. My husband even once looked at my Hitachi and said, “How can I even compete with that thing?”

But whatever men think, women don’t use vibrators to substitute for intercourse with men; many women actually want to use them with their partners but aren’t quite sure how to bring it up without triggering their insecurities.

Vibrators themselves have gone mainstream and upmarket: once stocked exclusively by seedy adult stores and mall novelty shops like Spencer’s Gifts, vibrators can now be found in well-lit feminist sex shops and drug store chains like Walgreens. Condom-makers Trojan and Durex sell vibrating gizmos (both traditional vibrators and vibrating cock rings), and there’s been a boom in sleek (and occasionally diamond-encrusted) high-end dildos.

And yet sex toys remain a taboo subject within many heterosexual relationships. Research shows that barely more than a third of women have ever used a vibrator during intercourse — although only 10% report having done so recently — and only 43% of heterosexual men have used one at some point, most with a partner. These numbers are bigger than they ever have been, but they are still strikingly small.

There is one main reason for this: men are taught not only that the penis (and its size, shape and ability to get and stay erect) is the symbol of their worth as men, but also that the phallus is the be-all, end-all of sex. If mainstream porn is to be believed, for instance, just the sight of a man’s erect penis should send a woman into an operatic display of ecstasy and penetration should be more than enough to bring about a female orgasm. So it only stands to reason that many men believe that if their dicks don’t bring individual women to climax, they must be inadequate to the task (and so too must be the man attached to it).”

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Go read the whole article over at The Guardian! For the record, we are all about sex toys and incorporating them into your sex life! If you need some inspiration, go watch this Redfox video or this Asphyxia<3Danny one to see how they do it!

Categories: Musings

Tagged: realworldbodies, realworldsex, sex toys, vibrators